The Day Hogwarts Went Mad
by Nimmy Heart
Summary: Hogwarts has gone mad! And its up to Hermione to save the whole school! (Chap 1 up so far, but I have a feeling its gonna go places woo! lol) Please R/R no flames thanks!
1. Hermione Begins To Suspect

A/N: HP and Co. Doesn't belong to me  
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Hermione: *is studying when she realizes her scissors are missing again* Oh dammit, I bet Ron has them again, lets just hope he hasn't stabbed anyone yet. *goes to Gryffindor Common Room*  
  
Harry: *laying on the couch* I'm so depressed, I could kill myself...  
  
Ron: heh heh... What? Did Cho turn you down again?  
  
Harry: *sob* fifth time this week... Ron would you do the honors? *holds out scissors*  
  
Hermione: *rushes in* Harry! So it was you!   
  
Ron: Do the honors of what? *although he knows what*  
  
Harry: Just kill me now. *holds out scissors again*  
  
Hermione: *intercepts Ron's grabbing of the scissors* Harry! You know he's likely to kill someone!  
  
Ron: *mutters insanely* duck tape is your friend...  
  
Harry: yes, and I was hoping it would be me  
  
Ron: KILL!!!! *laughs evilly*  
  
Hermione: *ignores Ron completely* Harry, why in the world do you want to die? *realizes something* Harry did you ask Cho out again?  
  
Harry: *sniffle* Yes.... *starts to cry and bury's his head in Hermione's chest sobbing loudly*  
  
Ron: Lucky bastard!  
  
Hermione: *looks disgusted and raises a hand slowly to pat harry on the head* Its... umm... okay harry...  
  
Ron: *singing* Take me to Georgia, Saint Louis!!  
  
Hermione: *exasperated, she pushes Harry onto the couch*   
  
Harry: MmmmRRRrrrrGH! getting a little bit frisky there?   
  
Hermione: umm...  
  
Ron: *screams girlishly* OH MY GOD!! THOSE PIGEONS!!!  
  
Hermione: THAT'S IT! I'M TAKING YOU BOTH TO DUMBLEDORE AND HAVING YOU BOTH LOCKED UP!  
  
Harry: As long as they kill me.... *sighs dramatically*  
  
Ron: NOOOOO! *dives down to Hermione's feet* Please, oh wise Hermione, lock HIM *glares at Harry, who is staring longingly at the scissors* up!  
  
Harry: *pays no attention and begins speaking in broken french* Ah... l'amour, l'amour, il est un triste "emotion"... quel est la "reason", nous "must feel this way"... Mais oui, je crois j'aime Cho!   
  
Hermione: Did he just say: 'Oh Love, love, it is a crying emotion, what is the reason we must feel this way, i believe I love Cho'?  
  
Ron: *rolls his head back smiling insanely* How should I know? I'm just mad *laughs evilly*  
  
Hermione: *backs away nervously*  
  
Harry: *continues to speak in broken french* J'ai faime pour l'amour de Cho!  
  
Hermione: Did he just say: 'I am hungry for the love of Cho'?  
  
Ron: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!  
  
Hermione: I swear, if all men are like this I am becoming a lesbian.  
  
Ron: *looks at Hermione* Oh would you? Please? For me?  
  
Hermione: *looks repulsed* NO! Of course not! I was just saying that you two are insane!  
  
Ron: *mutters* Spoil sport!  
  
Harry: Oh cruel fated world! Why? Why? *yells dramatically* WHY! *breaks down into tears*  
  
Ron: *sits next to Harry and slides an arm around him*  
  
Hermione: *snatches the Daily Prophet, and wacks Ron over the head with it* Stay away from him!  
  
Ron: MMmmmmRRRRRGH! You are getting frisky! Do I have to tie you down?  
  
Hermione: NO!   
  
Ron: Need a spanking? *slides his arm around her waist*  
  
Hermione: RON! Get your hand off my arse!! *slaps Ron*  
  
*Ginny walks down the steps rubbing her eyes*  
  
Ginny: Can't a girl get some sleep?  
  
Ron: *removes his hand from Hermione's "arse"* Why, HELLO! Dear sister!  
  
Ginny: Save it, Ron, you need your meds.  
  
Hermione: THANK GOD! SOMEONE SANE!  
  
Ginny: What happened?   
  
Hermione: Oh nothing, just your brother tried to kill Harry--  
  
Ginny: Oh MY GOD! HARRY!!! *flings her arms around Harry*  
  
Harry: mmmmffffphhh!!! Ge'roff!   
  
Ginny: *cuddles him*  
  
Harry: *gasps for air* Heeeelp!  
  
Hermione: And Harry tried to kill himself...  
  
Ginny: OH MY GOD! You poor baby! Listen, Harry, all I need is a polyjuice potion, and I can be Cho!  
  
Harry: *sighs dramatically* But... It won't be the same....  
  
Ginny: Yes it will...  
  
Ron: Until it wears off. Imagine, Cho with red hair...   
  
Harry: RRRRrrrr *purrr*   
  
Hermione: Oh no... Okay... You two are creeping me out. Ginny?  
  
Ginny: *is playing with Harry's hair and giggling* mmmm?  
  
Hermione: Ginny!! *getting annoyed*  
  
Ginny: *looks up from Harry who is looking at Ron, his eyes beseeching Ron to remove Ginny from his side* mmm?  
  
Ron: *is playing with the scissors*   
  
Hermione: Nevermind *grabs Harry's hand, and Ron's hand, and drags them to Dumbledore's office*  
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A/N: So... how did yah like this one? I'm gonna try to turn some of these into short stories when I have the time, I dunno, for now, I'm just going to capture my idea's like this. Thanks... Please review, and don't flame me *hides* 


	2. Hermione Realizes

*Inside Dumbledore's office, there is a large swirly chair, you know those chairs that go "spin spin spin" and they're really fun, and big bosses have leather ones...? Well Dumbledore has one now too...*  
  
Hermione: *plops down Ron and Harry, Ron is cradling the scissors and singing "Yearbook" by Hanson ("Dear Amy, See you in September, Hope You Will Remember me next year" etc.), with different words: "Dear Amy, I doubt I see you in September, I don't think you'll remember me next year" and then adding nastily: "BECAUSE I KILLED THE DAMN BITCH BWAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!"* *Harry is looking at Fawks, who Ron has just thrown a lit match at, thus causing Fawks to burst into flames, Dumbledore's chair isn't facing Hermione, so she clears her throat*   
  
Dumbledore: *snorts* Huh? *turns chair around* Oh, hullo, Ms. Granger! Oh, and by the way, Fawks wasn't supposed to be reborn, he was just reborn about a month ago... hmmm...  
  
Hermione: Hullo, Professor. I was wondering, if it was possible to... erm... *looks uncomfortable, she glances at Harry and then at Ron, who has now moved onto singing "Dirty" by Christina Aguilera*  
  
Ron: *stops singing "Dirty" and says in a very suggestive voice to the scissors* Let me be good to you...   
  
Dumbledore: My, My...*his head drops, and he begins to snore, he's asleep*  
  
Hermione: Ummm... Professor?   
  
Dumbledore: *raises head quickley* Huh? wha? *looking around, and then settles his eyes on Hermione* Just a bit of narkelpsy ((A/N: sorry... I dunno how to spell it... :P)), nothing to worry about, as you were saying?  
  
Hermione: I was wondering if *is interupted by Dumbledore's snoring*  
  
Ron: I do believe you are boring him, Hermione.  
  
Harry: *frantic* Why isn't Fawks coming up out of his ashes?  
  
Ron: BECAUSE HE'S DEAD! MWAHAHAHAHA! I LIT HIM ON FIRE!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Hermione: Oh dear... ummm... *snatches scissors away from Ron* Harry, you stay here and guard Dumbledore, I'm going to talk to McGonnagal.  
  
Ron: hey! That wasn't very nice!  
  
Harry: May I have the scissors?  
  
Hermione: *flatly* No.  
  
Harry: Dammit. Oh well then, okay. *looks at the pencils*  
  
Hermione: *sighs, not realizing Harry and Ron's longing stares at the ordinary office supplies that could potentially be deadly weapons of mass distruction in Ron's case, and in Harry's case as items to kill one's self, otherwise known as weapons of suicide* Well, I best be off then, I'll see you lot in about ten minutes, cheerio! *leaves out the door*  
  
Harry: *once Hermione is gone* I call the envelope opener!  
  
Ron: That's NOT fair!   
  
Harry: *shrug* Yes, but you get the pencils, and after I'm gone, you can have all these deadly weapons PLUS this shiney, sharp object.  
  
Hermione: *pokes her head in* Don't even think about it. *leaves again*  
  
Harry and Ron: Damn, she's good.  
  
Dumbledore: *snorts himself awake* Hello, boys, back so soon after noon time tea?  
  
Harry: Its 11:30 at night, Sir.  
  
Dumbledore: Ah, well, then you best be in bed, you can come to mine if you'd like... I mean... Never mind.  
  
Harry: No thanks, can I go to Cho's?  
  
Dumbledore: Well I suppose... wait a tick...? Didn't she catch you creeping around her dorm yesterday?  
  
Harry: *nervously* ummm... Maybe....  
  
Dumbledore: Its not healthy to have an obsession like this.  
  
Ron: Right you are, Bumbley-Dumbleydore.  
  
Dumbledore: Don't call me that.  
  
Ron: *screams girlishly* OH MY GOD! FAWKS IS DEAD! *sings into his shoulder to the tune of "The wicked witch is dead" from the wizard of oz* Ding dong the damn pigeon, the damn pigeon, the damn pigeon, ding dong that damn pigeon is dead.   
  
Dumbledore: Where are my matches?   
  
Ron: *stops singing* Why do you ask?  
  
Harry: *frantic* RON LIT FAWKS ON FIRE!!!  
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A/N: You'll find out how Hermione and McGonnagal's conversation went. Lets have a recap, shall we? Dumbledore is Narkeleptic, Ron is criminally insane, Harry is suicide and possibley obsessive compulsive, Ginny is as normal as she could possibley be, only she's a bit more desperate, and Hermione is normal. McGonnagal? Well... I don't know... lol. R/R no flames. 


End file.
